Memory Lapse
by TomcatGM
Summary: Completed: May 9. Mac loses her memory, and things get sketchy. Definitely a little cheesy...but just go with the flow.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own a blue car named Diego, a graphing calculator, and a mattress pad for my bunk bed in the dorm. If I owned JAG, I'd own a silver Corvette named Cal, I wouldn't have bothered to learn calculus, and I wouldn't need to finish college. Oh, yeah. DPB owns JAG.

Spoilers: Everything up to but NOT including Hail and Farewell. Yeah. All that cliffhanger stuff in the season finale never happened.

A/N: Just to make reading this easier, spoken dialogue is in double quotes, and character thoughts are in single quotes. Flashbacks are in brackets. Also, I took a lot of creative liberty with this story, so just hang on to that suspension of disbelief…Hey…I did say it was kind of ridiculous didn't I?

1302 Zulu

JAG Headquaters

Falls Church, Virginia

May, 2004

Harm screeched into the parking lot. He was running late. The Admiral was not going to be happy if he didn't make it to the meeting on time. He practically ran into the building and decided to take the stairs instead of the slow, ancient elevator. Taking them two at a time, he quickly reached the Bullpen, ran down the hall to his office, threw his coat over his chair, grabbed the files he needed off his desk, and took off at a jog toward the conference room. He stopped short of bursting into the room and casually opened the door. He walked in and strode to his seat on the other end of the table. Everyone else, besides the Admiral, was already seated. He smiled at Mac as he sat down. She smiled back, but in a smirking way.

"Sleep in?" she asked.

Harm grinned and nodded. "Actually, Mat—," He stopped short and snapped to attention as the Admiral walked into the room.

"As you were!"

They all sat down. Harm almost missed the chair on his way down; he was exhausted. Mattie hadn't been feeling well the night before, and Harm had stayed up with her to keep her company. The Admiral started handing out cases beginning with Lieutenant Roberts. He suddenly got a bad feeling that this meeting was not going to go well. Between him not getting virtually any sleep, and the Admiral having been in a bad mood for…He had to think for a moment about how long…He was thinking about the Admiral's bad mood at Christmas and how it hadn't really changed since then, when he thought he heard his name.

"Commander Rabb!"

Harm found himself opening his eyes. He couldn't have fallen asleep…Oh, damn it…"Sir?"

"Am I boring you Commander?"

"No, sir. I—." Harm stopped as Coates came into the room.

"Sir, the SecNav's on the phone. He said it's urgent, sir."

The Admiral stood up and everyone snapped to attention. "Commander, if you're awake, you will be in my office in exactly 30 minutes."

"Aye aye, sir."

The Admiral left and everyone relaxed…and looked at Harm, who didn't feel like dealing with anybody. He picked up his papers and files and started walking toward the door. You could have heard a pin drop the room got so quiet. Mac moved first, gathering her papers and taking off after him. Harm was already halfway down the stairs and rounding the corner when he heard her calling.

"Harm wait up!"

Harm turned and peaked his head around the corner just in time to see her lose her footing on the second step, her knee hit the deck, and watch her fall head over heals down to the landing. "Mac!" He turned all the way around, moved back onto the landing, and knelt down beside her just as she finished falling. "Mac?" Her eyes were closed. She wasn't moving. Blood was streaming down her cheek from a deep cut on her forehead. Harm gasped: it was bleeding so much it had already started forming a puddle "Get a corpsman!" he screamed, "Get a corpsman!" He leaned over to make sure she was still breathing. She was. "Mac? Mac? Come on Marine…" He took off his jacket and stuffed it gently under her head to act like a cushion.

By this time, Bud, Sturgis, and Coates had reached the top of the stairs. Harriet and the Admiral were rushing to the bottom. Harm had ripped off one of his sleeves and was holding it over the cut on Mac's forehead.

"What the hell happened?" Admiral Chegwidden demanded.

"She…she…she just fell, sir," Harm managed to stammer out as he glanced up to see the Admiral bending down. He glanced back down at Mac to see that the shirtsleeve had already filled up with blood. He let go and ripped off his other sleeve. He wrapped it around his hand and applied more pressure to the wound.

Five minutes later the paramedics arrived. They were wheeling Mac towards the elevator. Harm reached down and picked up his jacket and realized he was covered in blood. 'Damn it,' he thought. 'If I would have just explained things in the conference room…' He saw the Admiral turning away. "Sir?" he called.

"Go, Commander. Keep us posted."

"Aye aye, sir." Harm bolted for the stairs to catch up with the paramedics.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey all. Thanks for the reviews. Sorry it's taken so long, I've been out of town, so I posted two chapters today...um...yeah, not doing so would have been even meaner. Sooooo on with the story. 

1817 Zulu

Bethesda Naval Hospital

Harm sat in the waiting room with his face buried in his hands. He had his jacket back on, but it was unbuttoned. He figured it wouldn't really matter much since he didn't have shirtsleeves anymore anyway. Besides, not only was his shirt covered in blood, but his jacket was as well, and he'd probably have to get a new tie. He ran his fingers through his hair and sat up. He'd been there for hours. He was pretty sure he'd fallen asleep again earlier, and that the orderly who dropped a box of supplies had actually awakened him, rather than just startled him. He stood up and walked into and then down the hall the short distance to Mac's room. She had gotten seven stitches in her forehead, and they had told him she had a fairly serious concussion. He stared at her lying peacefully in her bed with her arms resting gently beside her. Harm thought back to when Mac had saved his life when he had stepped on that landmine in Afghanistan. She was there for him then. 'I should have been there. I should have caught her.' He was about to turn around and punch the wall when he heard the doctor coming. "Lieutenant," he greeted him.

"Give me just a moment, Commander." Harm nodded and the doctor went into Mac's room. She stirred and opened her eyes.

Just then his cell phone rang. "Rabb," he answered.

"Hello, Commander, it's Harriet."

"Hi, Harriet. Your timing's perfect."

"Sir?"

"Look, Mac just woke up. The doctor's in with her now. I'll call you back in a few minutes, OK?"

"Alright, sir, thank you. I'll let everyone know."

"Ok." Harm hung up and let out a deep sigh of relief. The doctor emerged from the room.

"She's going to be fine in a couple days. She's asking for you. I have to continue my rounds. If there are any problems, the nurse can reach me."

"Thank you, doctor." Harm walked slowly into the room, despite his urge to rush. He slowly made his way across the room and stood next to the chair near the bed on Mac's left side. He smiled. She had already fallen back to sleep. He leaned over her and gently brushed the hair out of her eyes. Suddenly realizing he told Harriet he would call her right back, Harm called and told her what was going on. Then he sat down in the chair, and leaned back. As another wave of relief washed over him, he realized he was slowly drifting off to sleep again.

One hour later

"Harm?"

Harm awakened immediately and sat up. "Hey."

"Sweetheart, what happened to you?"

"Oh, nothing. I, uh, I decided to go for the sleeveless bloodstained look to…" His voice trailed off. "What did you call me?"

"Are you ok?"

"Mac, I'm fine, it's all from you. You were bleeding like crazy." He paused for a second. "What did you call me?"

"When?"

"Just now."

"Um…Harm."

"No, no. After that."

"Sweetheart?"

Harm gulped. "Mac…" He stopped. He didn't really know what to say.

Mac glanced down at her hands. "Oh, no!" she said. "They took off my ring."

"What ring? I thought you didn't wear your class ring anymore."

"What do you mean what ring? Our engagement ring silly."

"Oh, boy."


	3. Chapter 3

"Harm, what's wrong?"

Harm just sat there, gaping, with his mouth open.

"Harm?"

"Mac, I, uh…" He couldn't finish. He stared directly into her eyes.

"I'm ok, Harm. Really," Mac said softly.

"Uh, why don't I, uh, go find the doctor." At this point, Harm felt lucky to be forming coherent sentences.

"I don't want to talk to the doctor. I want to talk to you. I want you to take me home."

"Uh, we'll talk later. I promise. I'll, uh, I'll be back soon..." He had to work really hard not to say sweetheart. "I promise." He turned and headed for the door.

"Harm?"

"Yeah, Mac?"

"I love you."

Harm could only give her his flyboy grin as he walked out the door.

One Hour Later

Harm was sitting in the waiting room again. He was leaning all the way back in his chair, with his feet far out in front of him, his hands on his thighs, and his head resting against the wall, completely lost in thought. He suddenly heard footsteps, and turned to see Harriet, Bud, Sturgis, and Admiral Chegwidden walk in. Harriet spoke first, "How is she, sir?"

"I, uh, I don't know. They had to run some more tests. She's still gone," he replied with a completely vacant expression on his face.

Bud piped up, "Well, do they think something else is wrong, sir?" Harm didn't respond. He just sat there with that blank look on his face. "Sir?"

"Huh?"

"Do they think something's wrong?" the Admiral repeated.

"She's um, she's got amnesia, sir." He saw the shocked, questioning looks. "Kind of like I had. She seems to be able to recall the distant past but…She doesn't remember much since Paraguay, sir."

"Not a thing?" Sturgis asked.

"Well, one thing. Kind of." They all just stared at him. "She…she uh…she seems to think we're…" He gestured with his hand and said as quickly as possible, "She thinks we're engaged."

Shocked silence prevailed. The doctor's name being paged over the loudspeaker sounded like a train wreck the room got so quiet. The Admiral broke the silence first, asking the question that was on everyone's mind, "Harm…are you?"

"Am I what, sir?" Harm asked with a confused expression on his face.

"Engaged."

"No, sir! I, I didn't even know what to say to her, I just…" Harm's voice was getting higher, and he started talking faster, breathing harder. Sturgis interrupted him.

"Harm, you look beat. Why don't we go get some coffee?"

Harm stared at him, confused and wondering what Sturgis was up to. He was, however, thankful for the interruption, which allowed him to recompose himself. "Yeah, sure, Sturgis." He glanced at the others quizzically. After a chorus of "Black" he and Sturgis headed out the door and down the hall.

Sturgis glanced at Harm, who looked like he was about to take on all of Iraq by himself. "Hold up a second, buddy." Harm stopped and noticeably relaxed a little bit. "Look, pal, maybe I should have told you this a while ago…" He took a breath and paused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Not long after I arrived at JAG…You were out on the Henry…It was when Mac and I found out all that Uranium had been stolen…"

"Sturgis?"

"Mac told me she loved you."

"Come again?"

"She made me promise to keep it to myself."

"Then why'd she tell you!" Harm was practically yelling.

Sturgis shrugged. "She didn't mean to, I don't think. She asked me if she'd said it out loud. I had commented on how there seemed to be a lot of tension between you two at the time and why couldn't she just let it go if it was such a problem."

"It's not a problem!"

Sturgis laughed. "That's what she said."

"Ok. So let me get this straight. She told you when she was perfectly healthy, and when I wasn't even around, and she tells me when she has a serious concussion and seven stitches in her head?"

Sturgis chuckled. "I'm sorry, Harm. I gave her my word. I just hope she doesn't kill me for telling you now."

"Wow…I gotta be honest, Sturgis. It took every ounce of strength I had when she asked where her ring was to not tell her I love her too." Harm turned and started walking towards Mac's room.

"Where are you going?"

"To wait for Mac."

Harm ran into Mac's doctor, who was walking down the hall in the opposite direction. "Doctor? How is she?"

The doctor closed the door. "She's awake and alert. As you already know, she doesn't remember any of the recent past. However, she thinks it's May of 2003." Harm's face dropped. 'Paraguay.' "Now, I understand she was involved in a hostage situation around that time?"

"Yeah. She was held hostage by a terrorist."

"She kept asking to see her fiancé, but I also understand you two are actually not engaged?"

"No. We're not…"

"Were you ever involved?"

"No."

"Not at all?"

"Well, not in a physical relationship if that's what you mean. We're best friends…" Harm let his voice trail off, thinking of how different that could have been after Paraguay.

"Well," the doctor began, "This incident in Paraguay must have created enough stress in her life that her subconscious has simply blocked everything out since then. The situation with you is a little more complicated. The only reason something like this happens is if the patient is emotionally involved or attached to, well, in this case, you."

"Meaning…" Harm led the doctor on.

"Meaning that this is possible because her relationship with you is emotionally conflicting. It is either what she wants to have happen or it has happened in the past and has just resurfaced. Think of it as a piece of a puzzle suddenly removed and placed somewhere else, but that doesn't quite fit right."

"So what do I do?"

"Nothing. Since she has fabricated her own scenario of what her life is like, she won't understand that it isn't real…It's very real to her. I've requested she be transferred to a rehab center in Alexandria."

"Wait a minute. She's not going to remember the last nine months? Ever?"

"It's possible she will regain her memory, yes. However, until that time, she needs to be separated from people she knows so she doesn't get confused."

"What do you mean separated?" Harm was on the verge of losing control.

"No visitors are allowed at the rehab center. The program there is specifically designed for individual, and not group therapy. It's been proven effective for this type of amnesia in over seventy percent of the cases." The doctor smiled as Harm sent him a harshly sarcastic look. "Trust me, Commander. This is the best thing for her right now."

"Can I see her before she goes?"

"You can, but it's essential you remain emotionally neutral. She won't recover if her alternate reality is reinforced by the people around her."

"That might be a problem."

"What's a problem?"

Harm lowered his voice, "Let's just say I'm pretty far from being emotionally neutral."

The doctor nodded. "Well, Commander, you have to be." With that, the doctor continued walking down the hall. Harm saw Sturgis coming over to him.

Sturgis looked at him for a moment, contemplating what the best way to go about comforting his friend would be, or if it were even possible. Harm spoke first. "You heard?"

"Yeah," Sturgis replied. Harm put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "She'll be ok, Harm, just give her time."

"That's all we've ever had, Sturgis. And now it might be too late."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So now that classes are out I have a lot of free time on my hands. I'm so glad I have like a week until my Film Theory exam, so I'll try and finish posting this before then.

Kelsey Rehab Center

Alexandria, VA

Two Weeks Later

Mac sat on her bed in her room, silently crying into her pillow. She was all alone. Again. She had been for days. Except for the doctors and nurses who were treating her, she had seen no one that she knew. She'd had about enough of all the, Sarah, it will be okay, Sarah you just have to be patient, and Is there anything I can get for you Sarah? that the nurses kept telling her over and over again. She hadn't bothered telling them she went by Mac. These people weren't her friends. In fact, over the past two weeks they had become public enemy number one. She wasn't allowed to go off the grounds of the center, she had to attend her sessions everyday, and she wasn't allowed to make any phone calls. They had told her that no one would be allowed to visit.

She wished she had known that when Harm had come back in to her room to visit her at the hospital. He had seemed so afraid, so unsure...it hurt her that she couldn't figure out why. She tried to tell him that she was fine, that she would beat this and they could pick up where they left off before the accident, and maybe start the family that they had been talking about. She couldn't help but smile. Their family. She tried to recall exactly what they had discussed, but all she could come up with was the deal they had made five years ago. When had they talked about it?

She thought back to Paraguay, and how she and Harm had talked. Riddle me this, Flyboy, whyAll her thoughts began to crash into each other, and she was suddenly overwhelmed. 'I was mad at Harm in Paraguay. How can that be? We got engaged…There is no us_…_ Oh, no.' Everything came back to her as if it was a flood, and she felt like she was drowning in memories. 'Harm had to leave JAG, Clay and I have been dating, Harm worked for the CIA, but the Admiral finally asked him back. I have a problem with you cutting me out of your life until you need something!…Forget it. This is too important for you to screw up.The families court hearing, Mattie, talking to Tom, the look on Harm's face when I took Mattie to the wall. He was crushed when I told him I was going to see Webb. We defended the SecNav, and we both struggled with the situation of the war. Harm lost his hearing. I could be Godzilla and you wouldn't hear me._' _The tears started to come faster. 'Harm and I aren't engaged. We're barely good friends right now. And I'm involved with Webb?' The tears came even harder.

Mac lost her train of thought as the door opened and one of her nurses came in. She smiled, "How are you doing today, Sarah?"

"I…I…remember." Mac managed to choke out.

"Everything?" she asked gently.

Mac sniffled. "Yes. I think so. I need to go. I need to leave. Can I go now?" Before waiting for an answer, Mac got up and ran out of the room.


	5. Chapter 5

JAG Headquarters

Same Time

Harm paced in his office, frantically trying to memorize his opening statement off of his index cards. It wasn't working. The harder he tried, the more he screwed up, and the more frustrated he got. "Damn it!" He yelled throwing the cards as hard as he could into the wall, and pushing nearly everything off his desk. He winced as the phone, pens, lamp, and several folders crashing into the floor made quite a racket. Little did he know that the Admiral was walking into his office at that very moment. The Admiral, having heard the incident down the hall, rushed through the door just in time to see everything come to a crashing halt on the floor, causing a very surprised Commander to snap to attention.

"Sir!"

"My office, NOW RABB" He thundered in one of his more compelling and serious command tones as he took inventory of the now half-destroyed office.

"Aye aye, sir." He replied softly. He just followed the Admiral out into the hall and then through the bullpen, which immediately quieted when everyone saw the Commander following the Admiral at attention and coming to a halt in front of the Admiral's desk. The door to the Admiral's office slammed shut, and the bullpen slowly went back to its normal activity, just slightly quieter. The Admiral was obviously now in a bad mood, and no one had any intention of making it worse.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" The Admiral cut right to the chase. He continued to look at Harm, checking him over almost, and Harm could tell that his eyes finally came to rest on his own, which he was desperately trying to keep locked on some imaginary object in front of him. He managed to keep looking straight ahead. 'I knew I was lucky last time when he didn't punish me for falling asleep during that meeting. Now, I'm going to get a billet in Iceland for sure. I don't know what to say. I totally lost it in there. Nothing I can say could make my actions seem…well, there's nothing I can say,' Harm thought in an attempt to calm his now rapid pulse.

"No excuse, sir. I'm sorry, Admiral. It won't happen again."

"DAMN RIGHT IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN! I thought we discussed this, Commander. You didn't need leave because you had everything under control." His tone was getting more sarcastic by the millisecond, and it wasn't that big of a stretch to think that the guards in the parking lot could hear every word he was saying he was yelling so loud.

'At least he's not in my face,' Harm thought…and just a moment too soon, for right then, the Admiral moved around the chair and stood right in front of him, his face about 4 inches from Harm's.

"CONTROL MY ASS, MISTER!"

"Sir, it is—"

"Do you know who called me this morning?"

"Sir?"

"DID I STUTTER!"

"No, sir." Harm paused. "No, sir, I do not know who called you."

"Mattie. Mattie called me this morning. Now why do you think she might do that, Rabb?"

"I…" Harm stopped. He opened his mouth and was ready to give him an explanation, but when he went to speak, he found he had no clue why Mattie would have called. "I don't know, sir."

The Admiral moved back and leaned against his desk, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Because she's worried about you, and so am I." His words were harsh, but his volume had dropped considerably. "At ease."

Harm dropped his arms behind his back and put his feet shoulder width apart, his stance still rigid. "Really, sir. I'm fine. Mattie's been great. She's…um…"

"Worried about Mac too?" The Admiral finished.

"Yes, sir."

"So I suppose it was a tornado that went through your office when I wasn't looking?"

"It would appear so, sir."

"RABB."

"I over-frustrated myself with an opening statement, sir."

"Can I trust you not to loose your temper in court this afternoon, Commander?" Harm was thinking this through rapidly, but apparently he didn't answer fast enoughbecause the Admiral spoke again. "Your silence is I _very _ /I reassuring."

"I'll be fine, sir. It would have been nice having a partner on this one though."

"I would have liked to have assigned one…" His voice trailed off when there was a knock on the door. "ENTER!" the Admiral barked. Coates stuck her head cautiously around the side of the door.

"Sir?"

"I'm in the middle of something, Petty Officer, whatever it is it can wait."

"Sir, nurse Maitlander from the Kelsey Rehab Center is on line two for you, sir."

"Dismissed."

"Aye sir."

The Admiral quickly moved around the desk and picked up the phone. "Chegwidden…When?…Are you sure?…No, no, I'll send someone out right away…Thank you." He hung up, and looked straight at Harm. "Lock it up, Sailor." Harm immediately snapped back to attention, and the Admiral wasted no time getting back in his face. "That was Mac's nurse. She got her memory back, but there are some complications. She said she needed someone to come out right away. Before you even THINK about moving, mister, you are going to listen to me and follow EVERY WORD AND INSTRUCTION I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU. You are going to go upstairs to the conference room, and tell Lt. Roberts that I'm ordering him to drive you out to the rehab center. You get the information you need, and you come straight back to this office."

"Yes, sir." Harm paused, hanging on the Admiral's words. "What complications, sir?"

"She's missing."

"WHAT!"

"Tone, Rabb."

"Sir-"

"Apparently, she ran off. I can't tell you anything else, which is why you and Roberts are going to figure out what the hell happened, and talk to the staff about where she might have gone. NOW GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF MY OFFICE AND UP TO THAT CONFERENCE ROOM! DISMISSED."

"Aye aye sir." Harm turned and practically ran out of the office, past a curious Coates, and started up the stairs. He reached the top, then practically flew into the conference room. Bud and Sturgis looked up surprised at the sudden commotion at the door.

"Sorry, Harm, we're not ready to plea bar-"

"Mac's missing." Harm interrupted, not giving the case they were all working on another thought. "Bud, the Admiral ordered you with me. Sturgis, I need you to please get a continuance from Admiral Morris. Let's go, Bud." But the latter was unnecessary as Bud was already up and moving toward the door.


	6. Chapter 6

1636 Zulu

En Route to the Kelsey Rehab Center

Alexandria, VA

Harm was nervously tapping the door handle on the passenger side of the JAG car Bud was driving. He let out a huge sigh. Much bigger than he intended to, anyway.

Bud risked a glance to the side. "I'm sure she's fine, sir. I mean, she probably just went for a walk or something. I used to disappear all the time during my rehab to steer my wheelchair around outside. Drove my nurses nuts, sir."

Harm couldn't help but smile, and chuckle a little. "I hope so, Bud. I hope so." Harm finished as Bud pulled into a parking spot near the Rehab Center office. They both rushed out of the car and into the building, making a beeline for the front desk.

The receptionist immediately stopped typing and looked up. "Can I help you?" She asked politely.

"I'm Commander Rabb, this is Lieutenant Roberts, we were told to come out right away because a patient of yours, Sarah Mackenzie, is missing," Harm said in a tone that was deceptively calm.

Bud gave his superior a look of admiration. 'Always cool under fire,' he thought.

"Yes, of course, thank you for coming so quickly," the receptionist responded. "They found her outside in the garden just a few moments ago. She's upstairs in her room now packing her things, but we still needed someone here to sign her out." Harm quickly signed all the paperwork he was handed, got directions to Mac's room, and they headed upstairs.

Harm and Bud poked their heads around the doorframe to Mac's room. Mac was busy unloading her dresser drawers and dropping the contents into a suitcase on top of the bed. Harm knocked tentatively on the doorframe. "Hey… can we come in?" he said softly.

"Oh…Hey," Mac said, startled by both the knock and his voice. "Yeah, come on in. Nice time for you to visit, though, I'm ready to leave." She said somewhat sarcastically.

Bud stepped in, trying to cut some of the tension in the room away. "Um, well, we know ma'am. That's why we're here. Do you need anything?"

"No thanks, Bud. Everything's… fine."

"Seriously, Mac," Harm said, "A ride, a call to Chloe," he held out his cell phone and shrugged, "A beltway burger?"

That earned him the ghost of a smile. "I guess a ride and a burger would be nice." She grabbed her suitcase, walked past the two officers, and tried as hard as she could to forget her entire history with Harmon Rabb, Jr.

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown, Virginia

Harm and Bud followed Mac into her apartment, carrying her bags for her. Both men stopped after she closed the door. Both were uncomfortable, albeit for different reasons, and neither quite knew what to do.

"Just set them down there, I'll take care of them later."

And then…there was silence.

Mac started to move slowly around the apartment, immediately noticing how clean it was. She ran her hand over the mantel, revealing absolutely no dust whatsoever. She looked at Harm with a raised eyebrow.

Harm chuckled nervously and then shrugged his shoulders. "Mattie helped."

He got another ghost of a smile. "How is Mattie?"

"She's good. She's worried about you, though." He finished, his voice soft and gentle, and only a step above a whisper. Somehow Mac knew he was speaking for himself as well.

They both stood there, staring at each other, not quite sure which one of them was more confused or frustrated at the moment. Finally, Bud cleared his throat. "Um…sir? Didn't the Admiral want to see you later this afternoon?"

"Oh, uh, yeah." He answered Mac's questioning glance. "We were supposed to be in court this afternoon." Mac immediately felt guilty for disrupting everyone's lives even more than she already had. Especially Harm's, given this new… awkward… situation they were in. "Well, we'd better get back to the office. Call if you need anything, okay?"

"Yeah. Sure." They turned to leave. "Bud, Harm." They turned back. "Thanks for coming to pick me up." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"You're welcome, ma'am."

"Anytime, Mac."

And they left. Mac walked over and locked the door, then stood in the middle of the living room. The tears came slowly at first, and she eventually realized she was lying face down on the couch, clutching a pillow, and sobbing.


	7. Chapter 7

Mac was sitting at the bar of McMurphy's Tavern a couple hours later, fingering a glass, staring intently at it's contents and debating whether or not she was going to drink them when she heard a throat clear behind her. She turned around on the barstool to find herself face to face with Harm. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hi yourself." Harm said just as softly. He took mental note of the fact that she'd been crying.

"You haven't been back to the office yet?" She gestured at him, noting he was still wearing his summer whites.

"Um…yeah…I dropped Bud off, saw the Admiral so he could finish chewing me out, and finished up my paperwork real quick… I just thought I'd stop by on my way home and see if there was anything you needed, but you weren't there. I figured you might have gone out so…" Harm just let that sentence hang. After all, there was no point in telling her he'd already looked in three other locations trying to find out where she had gone so they could talk.

"My apartment isn't exactly on your way home, Harm, and McMurphy's isn't either." The minute she said that she regretted it. She didn't want to try and make him explain anything. It'd only lead to a fight. She quickly added, "I think I'm fine, though. Thanks anyway."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, I'll ah, I guess I'll see you when you come back to the office unless you need something before…then." He stopped talking as he noticed the dark soda in her glass with a fresh cut of lime on one of those plastic sword things. "What's that?" He asked pointing.

She blocked his view. "Nothing." She said sharply. Rum and Coke just didn't seem like the right answer.

"Don't lie to me."

Mac could have groaned aloud. She had hoped he'd come back with a patronizing 'Mac' so she could just say 'Don't Mac me, Harmon' and then tell him to leave her the hell alone. But no, he'd caught her with the good old honor trap, and now she felt guilty. Not only had she come within seconds of falling off the wagon again, he was just being his usual protective self.

He interrupted her train of thought, "Come on, Mac. Talk to me." He took a slow step forward and put his fingers under her chin, lifting it up so he could look her in the eyes. "Please?"

Now he'd gone and done it. He'd pulled the trump card: he asked nicely staring straight at her with those soft blue eyes of his. She felt the pressure building behind her eyes. Before she could stop them, the tears started to flow all over again. "Harm…"

He wasted no time slapping some money on the bar to pay for the drink, and pulled her outside into the alley. He swept her into a huge hug. "Hey, hey, hey. What's this? It's okay, Mac." His voice was so warm, gentle.

"No it's not," she sobbed. Her own Suck-it-up-Marine speech just didn't seem to be working the way it was supposed to. "Everyone probably thinks I'm a complete nut case…I haven't seen anyone in weeks…Clay is God knows where…"

Harm sighed. "Shh, no one thinks you're a…nut case, everyone ELSE was going crazy because you weren't there to keep JAG running smoothly, and Clay will call you as soon as he can, I'm sure."

She sniffled, "You probably hate me for what I said in the hospital, and I don't even know how I…" More sniffles.

Harm's heart sank. So she didn't love him, or at the very least, she wouldn't admit to it. Not that he should really be surprised. Sturgis and Mac had that conversation years ago. "Oh, Mac. I don't hate you. Why would you think so? I know we haven't been getting along lately, but I certainly don't hate you. And is all of this really worth drinking over?"

"Yes!" She half sobbed, half screamed, although it was somewhat muffled by Harm's chest. Deep down, she knew nothing was worth drinking for again, but a little voice in her head kept saying: take another sip and everything will start to feel better. She tried to pull away, but Harm wouldn't let her.

"No, Mac."

"Let go, Harm. I'm fine. I can take care of myself, I'm a-"

"You're a marine, I know." Harm finished for her. "That doesn't mean they know when to stop drinking when they should. I was Recon for a while, remember?"

She smirked. "Yeah, and you almost got yourself killed."

"Minor technicality."

"They were going to level the exercise area. It was anything but minor. I almost lost my oak leaves because of it."

"Mac," he spoke with the same gentle tone and pulled her chin up again to look her in the eye. "Do you think you still deserve those oak leaves if you get drunk tonight?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. I can't face anyone in that office ever again, especially you." She tried again to pull out of his grasp, but he held his firm grip. "Harm, let…go!" she said, pulling even harder.

"I'm not gonna let you go back in there Mac."

"It's none of your damn business! NOW LET…GO!"

Three men, obviously college students from their hooded "Georgetown" sweatshirts, but all almost as tall and just as muscular as Harm stepped into the alley on their way to the bar. "Hey, lady? This guy bothering you?" the one in front asked.

"Yes," "No," Mac and Harm said simultaneously.

"I think you'd better leave, pal. The lady doesn't want you here."

"She might not want me here, but she needs me here."

"No I don't." Mac finally shrugged out of Harm's grasp and headed back for the door.

"Mac, wait. Let me at least stay with you and drive you home when you're ready." Harm reached out to grab her elbow, but was forcefully yanked backwards by two of the guys behind him who firmly held onto his arms.

"Dude, the lady said no now back off!"

"Uuuhhh." Mac turned around when she heard the unmistakable smacking sound of a fist hitting a face. She quickly turned around to see one of the three landing two quick punches into Harm's ribs, and Harm immediately reacting by elbowing the guy on his left in the stomach and winding up to take a swing at the guy who had hit him.

"NO! Stop it! It's okay." The guys trying to hold Harm immediately let go of him and he slowly put his hands on his knees, gasping for breath. The three of them shrugged at each other, told Mac if she needed anything they'd be sitting at the bar, and walked into the tavern. Mac ran to Harm's side. "Harm are you okay?" She had tears in her eyes. Once again, her drinking had caused someone to get hurt.

Harm winced and looked up at her. "Are you done drinking?" He asked, the pain he was in evident in his voice, yet it was still filled with concern.

"Yes."

"Then I'm fine," he said, as he slowly stood upright.

Choking back another sob, Mac asked in a small voice, "Will you ever be able to forget all this and forgive me?"

"Forget all what? You didn't hit me…although…I wouldn't really have been surprised if you had.…"

"What happened at the hospital, and me being a total jerk by not listening to you just now." Maybe, if she was lucky, he'd just ignore that part about being engaged. After all, she was happy with Clay…wasn't she?

'Damn. She doesn't want anything to come of that 'engagement ring' comment. So much for not wasting anymore time.' "Mac, you're upset right now. I understand that, and you had a concussion. How could I hold you responsible for anything you said after you fell? And you're still here talking to me aren't you?" Harm mentally patted himself on the back for not exploding in anger at those guys in front of Mac. She needed a friend right now, and besides those three guys who'd just…well…to be honest…beat the crap out of him…he didn't see any others nearby. "I just…I just want what's best for you. You'd go nuts without the Marine Corps, and we need you back at the office Mac. This is obviously a tough time for you. I just want to help. If that means taking a punch so you won't drink, that's fine; I've taken them for a lot less. As long as I don't have to crash another airplane with you in it, we'll be okay." He smiled, trying to lighten the emotional load. It worked, and Mac grinned back.

"I know you just want to help, and you have. I don't know how to thank you. You stopped me from drinking…again." She paused. "Everything will really be okay at the office?"

"Everything will be fine at the office. I promise. Hey. What are friends for?"

"Are we still friends?"

"Of course we are. Mac, look. It doesn't matter to me if you drink or not. But I know, deep down, it matters to YOU. And it's not like you verbally assaulted me this time." He gave her one of his bigger grins.

She couldn't help but giggle. "Yeah, I guess." He wiped her tears away with his thumb. "I'm sorry they hurt you. I…" 'I'm sorry you don't love me as much as I love you.' She added to herself.

Harm cut her off. "Can barely feel a thing." 'Except my heart breaking…Again.' He simply ignored the pain he actually was in; nothing was more important to him than finishing this conversation.

Harm walked her to his car and drove her home since Mac had taken a cab to get there. On the way there, each was lost in their own thoughts, both wishing the other wanted to move their relationship to the next level.

'Mac has Clay,' Harm reminded himself.

'Harm has Mattie,' Mac reminded herself.

Harm had taken Mac's keys and unlocked the door to her apartment. He pushed it open and turned on the light and turned to tell Mac he was going to go put some tea on. They still had a lot to talk about: Paraguay was still a huge issue, her drinking and pushing him away, but what they needed to discuss was mostly assurances that everything really was getting back on track. He pushed the door shut as he finished the turn. Mac wasn't expecting him to turn so fast, and literally fell into his arms when she couldn't stop moving fast enough to stay out of his way.

Harm's arms instinctively wrapped around Mac's waist, and Mac's instinctively moved up and wrapped around Harm's neck. They just stood there staring at each other. They didn't really want to be in this position after everything that had happened that day, but they weren't ready to give up the intimate contact either. Harm was afraid Mac would deck him if he tried to kiss her. Mac was afraid Harm wouldn't kiss her back. In the end, they both moved in at the same time. Their lips met, sending sparks through each of them. Maybe it was the frustration from not having kissed her for three years that made Harm deepen the kiss. Maybe it was knowing the truth about Mac's feelings that Sturgis had told him about. Most of it was probably because he just couldn't hold back any longer. He let his tongue dance across Mac's lips, begging for entrance. Mac immediately complied. When they finally broke the kiss for lack of oxygen, both were breathing heavily and gazing intently at each other. Neither, however, released the firm hold they had on the other.

"Mac, I …uh…" Harm was still breathing hard. As much as he didn't want to ask the question, he didn't want to push or force anything, "Do you want me to go?" he said softly.

"No." She paused. "Do you want to go?"

"No." He looked her straight in the eyes. She could have melted from all the concern, honesty, and…love?… that she saw in those endless pools of blue.

Harm was just as fascinated with her as he watched the light reflect in her chocolate brown eyes. Inspired by the raw honesty he found there, he decided to dive into the situation headfirst. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"In the hospital, I had to…I mean… I wanted…" Harm stopped, took a deep breath and started over. "Well, when you told me you loved me, I wanted to tell you that I love you too," he finished the sentence as quickly as he could. There. He said it. He glanced down and was surprised to see that he was still alive. He held his breath as he waited for her response.

Mac thought her heart stopped. He loved her! And he admitted it…she briefly wondered if pigs were flying somewhere in the world. "You do?"

"Very much. I would have told you sooner, but…" He faltered for a second or two. "But I didn't think you felt the same way. And even if you did, let's face it. We have yet to put all our cards on the table."

She smiled, and decided to tease him a little bit. "What made you change your mind, sailor?"

"The look in your eyes after we kissed just now." He grinned. "You can't ever try and deny it now, you do realize that don't you?"

"I wouldn't want to." They both smiled and leaned in for another kiss. Harm knelt down and gently picked Mac up and took her to the couch, and set her down in his lap. "Mac, maybe we should really talk about some things. I mean…"

"Harm, the past is in the past. We can't change it. We've both said things that caused pain and regret, but no more. I just want to concentrate on US…on the future. Not the past."

He started kissing her again, gently at first, and then gradually building up the intensity to show his support for that decision. She ran her hands through his soft, dark hair. He was mustering all his strength to be conservative in his approach. He didn't want to go too fast. Settling for moving his hands gently up and down her back, he eventually found himself leaning back into the cushions as Mac rested comfortably on top of him.

They were both content with this new place they had found for themselves, and when they finally stopped kissing, they both had an unspoken agreement it was a good thing it had. They still had a lot to talk about from the events that had happened that day, even if they had agreed not to relive the past. She smiled and reached up to brush his now tousled hair off of his forehead, and then ran her hand down the side of his face. Unable to control the reflex, Harm winced and inhaled a sharp breath.

"What's wrong?" Mac asked as she leaned around him for a better look. "Oh my God. Harm, that bruise looks terrible." While it had looked fine twenty minutes ago, his right temple just temple just above his eye was turning an interesting shade of purple. Suddenly, the events of the day came crashing down all around them.

Harm grinned and shrugged, trying to lighten the mood "I gotta hand it to him. That kid had a great left hook." And he leaned in to kiss her again, but just briefly. He looked into Mac's eyes and saw the concern and regret. "I'm fine, Mac. But I should get going; I want to try and see Mattie before she leaves for Susan's tonight. They're working on a science project that's due tomorrow and she's spending the night over there."

"And to put some ice on that eye." Her marine command tone was unmistakable.

Harm tried to counteract it with his flyboy grin, but wasn't entirely successful. "It's fine, Mac." He chuckled, and then rose, forcing Mac to stand. She walked him to the door. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." She leaned in to kiss him, but he held back.

"Mac…"

"It's over with Webb, Harm. I promise."

He grinned shyly, but was pleased that she knew him well enough to know he didn't want this new… relationship…or…whatever… to be a problem for her. "Are you…"

"I'm sure. I haven't talked to him in days, and we haven't exactly been enjoying each other's company lately." She kissed him. "Now go home to your daughter."

He looked deep into her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too." She responded immediately and without hesitation. He smiled, kissed her, turned and left.

THE END

Ok, ok, you can stop throwing the cheese at me. You can't say I didn't warn you. Thanks to everyone who read this. I'd like to also thank my roomy, Steph, for encouraging me to finish when everyone else thinks I'm a nutcase for liking JAG. Catch the sequel: Flash From the Past. On second thought…maybe it won't be a sequel. Adding on to FWAFS might be too much temptation. Then again, it might just do better as a stand-alone. _Anyway_ , it's coming. Hopefully sooner rather than later, and I'll be sure to clarify whatever the heck it turns out to be. Thanks so much for all the reviews and comments and stuff. I know I don't take the time to thank all you guys personally, but I really do appreciate it.

TomcatGM


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